A Story That Scares Even Deatheaters
by Flooisthuma
Summary: What do you get when you're typing, eating icecream, staring at Tom Felton's picture and thinking about your old busdriver who acted way too much like Umbridge? You get this story! Hilarity guaranteed! Please RR!


**A Tale That Scares Even Death Eaters**

**A/N:** Meant as a parody and a certainly weird fic. Laugh your arses off! And yes, I am a strange girl indeed/and was extremely hyper.

**Disclaimer:** HAHA! I own ze plot! Yeah! And Bionare Bubbles…

Umbridge was a little crazy and a bit insane so she had her wand taken away a year ago. She was now in Diagon Alley to buy a new one despite the trouble it would cause. But as she was walking and getting dirty looks, she found a never before seen Ice Cream Parlor. She decided to go in.

It was a nice place with tiled floor, white counters and it was extremely cold. There were blue tables and chairs and a few people in there.

She looked around and saw someone coming up to her. He was thin and tall, and he had black hair hanging down to his mid back and had yellow eyes.

"I am Bionare Bubbles, what do you want?" he asked rudely.

"Uh, how about a banana split?" she asked uncertainly.

"Yeah." He walked to a counter, summoned a bowl, a spoon, nuts, chocolate syrup, a banana, a cherry and whipped cream.

"Hem hem," coughed Umbridge.

"What?" the guy snapped.

"I would like chocolate chips too," she said.

"Banana splits don't have chocolate chips so you ain't getting any," said the guy. He was definitely in a crabby mood.

"Hem hem," Dolores smiled sweetly. " I am the customer, and I demand to HAVE CHOCOLATE CHIPS!" she yelled.

Bionare Bubbles looked at her, a black eyebrow raised. His lip curled. "Look here,you wretch, I am not in the best of moods, and if you know what's good for you, you will not yell in my Parlor. Do you understand me or are you too stupid to even be listening?" he said coldly.

"Ah, poor dear. You must not know who you are talking to." Umbridge shook her head in mock pity. Then in slow motion, she took out the pin that held her grimy hair. Then closing her eyes, and shaking her head in Herbal Essence style, he hair fell lose.

(Whistles go through the parlor, and several smacksfor the men who'd been whistiling and sounds of disgust are heard)

She smiled a sly smile and said, "I am Dolores Umbridge and-" she was cut off by Bionare.

"OH! That crazy woman who had it out for Harry Potter and Hogwarts! Umbridge, the one who tortured Harry with quills! Oh my, I am for surely scared!" he cried. The last part was sarcastic.

Umbridge's fake smile curled into a snarl. She bared her teeth at him and growled low in her throat.

Bionare took a step back.

Then Umbridge pushed Bionare and he fell over. She started running like mad across the store, throwing chairs into the walls, and smashing every thing that was glass. She picked up a table with amazing strength and hurled it into the windows. She yelled like an Amazon and banged on her chest like Tarzan. Then she noticed the looks she was getting and the people running away.

"Arrrrg! Don't ye be goin' nowhere, ye bunch o yeller bellied pig farts. U know not what I be capable of!" she yelled like a pirate. Too prove what she said, she picked up the ingredients that used to be her banana split and shot them like missiles at the women and children who were in there and walking past the shattered window. Then the craziness stopped. All was silent.

A 16-year-old platinum blond boy walked in in more slow motion. (The tap of his shoes on tile echo through the 'parlor'.)

It was like those slow moments when superheroes or a great group of men walk into a place and look all cool. He turned his cold gray eyes on Umbridge. She knew immediately who he was. He was the young boy who had helped her many times. He was Draco Malfoy. She lowered her arm with a hand that held a banana in it.

"What in Salazar's beard are you doing?" he sneered at her.

"I, I, uh, hmm. I have no idea what you are talking about!" she stammered.

"Oh. Seems to me that you are acting like a maniac," he said coolly, crossing his arms.

Then he broke out into a grin. And he asked like a 6-year-old schoolboy, "Can I join you? Please, please? Pleeeeeeaseeee?"

Draco wanted to have fun. His father Lucius, was in Azkaban and it was very quiet at Malfoy Manor. He was even sick of torturing house elves. Here he was, wandering Diagon Alley, when he sees a crazy woman trashing a place! Did he want to join? Oh Bloody Hell Yeah!

Umbridge simpered, "Yes dear boy. You can join me," her voice changed to an angry roar, "TRASH THIS PLACE!"

Draco and her then did something very odd. Draco ran to where she was standing and they stood side by side. Then as if on queue, both did back flips, jumped on a table and broke out singing an old Irish song. "We set sail at half past dawn! Waiting for a new tomorrow, don't know when we're coming home, so we drink and we dance and we drown our sorrow!" Any glass that had not been broken shattered. At this time, they had hooked arms and were jumping around in circles kicking their feet out and hitting anything that was on the row of tables. They continued singing with serious faces, "Hey hey! Hey laddie hey! Way hey hay! We'll drink the night away!"

People were running away screaming at the horrific sight. The brand new Ice Cream Parlor was now trashed and here were two maniacs dancing on a table singing. Who wouldn't run? Finally Bionare Bubbles leapt up and shouted, "Git out 'er me store! I'll bloody yer both up if yer don' go out tha door righ now!" He was so mad that he was talking in a totally different accent. Still, Umbridge and Draco Malfoy were still singing. Who knew when they would stop?

Out of the blue, a scoop of ice cream that had somehow landed on the ceiling during the uproar plopped down on Draco's face. He tripped on Umbridge's feet, fell, and brought her on top of him. The life of Draco was no more, for the fact that Umbridge had squashed him on the ground.

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(Funeral bagpipes play)

2 weeks later, Dolores Umbridge is charged with murder, and it put in Azkaban for the rest of her life. There she tries to hide from Lucius Malfoy who wants revenge on the one who killed his son.

Bionare Bubbles was paid for the damage from St. Mungo's, who regrets not keeping Umbridge in there. And the damage that had been done had been fixed by a simple spell. For that is the tale that has sane people scared, being told in bars, at campfires, to children going to bed, and told as protection against Death Eaters. People are now scared of maniacs. EVERYONE BEWARE OF DUMBLEDORE! MUWAHAHAHA!

Dumbledore is seen alone wondering where everybody went. "NAKED TIME!" he shouts and strips. (Censored)


End file.
